


Before You Go

by allisaac_2



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Assassination Attempt(s), Attempted Murder, Fluff and Angst, Hospitals, I Made Myself Cry, M/M, Sad Ending, Sad and Happy, Suicide Attempt, Thriller, iwaoi - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-15
Updated: 2020-12-19
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:06:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 17
Words: 9,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28096647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allisaac_2/pseuds/allisaac_2
Summary: Iwaizumi and Oikawa meet years after the end of high school, but fate does not seem to be on their side.
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Kudos: 9





	1. The day we meet again

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This is my first story I’m writing here, so I hope you like it!  
> It’s the english version of the one I’m writing on Wattpad <3  
> Last but not least, I’m sorry if it might make you sad. I cried a little writing it.

Eight Years.  
I hadn’t seen my childhood best friend in eight years. After high school, everyone was separated, and so were we.

But I could never forget the promises I made to us. On the other hand, that boy I hardly tolerated, was the missing piece to my puzzle.  
"If you want to quit volleyball, I’ll go for you. In fact, for us. I’ll get our team to nationals and beyond. I promise, Iwa-chan”

And there I was, sitting in the stands, cheering for the strongest team in Japan led by my best friend. Boy, did he grow up. Memories came back to me, leaving my heart a little empty. The friendlies with teams we never feared, the spring tournaments, the disappointments of defeats...and the time I spent with him. He was always the best for me, maybe I should have shown him before we took different paths.

Who knows if he remembers me... Oikawa? The Oikawa I knew would never have forgotten about "Iwa-chan". Or so I hoped. He didn’t seem at all changed though. His hair perfectly hairstyled, the confidence in his serves and the strength of the sets he made to his mates.

And even the cheering had not changed. The girls went after him, screamed and greeted him from the audience. A lot of people were there for Oikawa, and I couldn’t be prouder of him. I looked around, they were all absolved from the match, that didn’t notice what I noticed.

I was able to see it very clearly. A hooded man, at the top of the stands. He was armed. HUH?! And he was aiming for my best friend. "OIKAWA!" I jumped from the seat to get his attention. Iwa-chan? I saw his beautiful smile, he was surprised to see me. And yes, he remembered me.

That’s exactly why I couldn’t let them hurt him. I wouldn’t let anyone take my person away from me. I would pay with my life as long as that smile continued to exist.

It took all my strength to jump on the field and run to him. "OIKAWA MOVE!" I yelled at him again. But it lasted a second.

Pew.

My chest was burning. I opened my eyes, I was in his arms. "Iwa-chan?" The last thing I saw was his tearful face. It wasn’t what I wanted, but he was safe. And that’s what mattered.


	2. Hurts Like Hell

Two weeks later

It was tiring to hear my heartbeat every day, every hour. And the nurses studied my health. But what else could I do? Rebelling? In the state I was in it seemed impossible to me. 

I was in a coma from the day of the match, so they said. But slowly I began to regain consciousness. It wasn’t fun to start with the smell. The smell of the hospital and its cafeteria was definitely not my favorite.

Then the hearing. Probably the most beautiful and ugliest part at the same time. Finding out that Oikawa came to see me every day without being able to do anything, it was tiring. And hear him cry, above all. Like that exact moment.

"Iwa-chan...if you can hear me, I’m sorry. I don’t want to tell you every day that I miss you, and that I should be on that bed right now. But that’s exactly what I’m thinking."

What? No! I ended up there just to keep you from doing it!

"The guilt is too much...I want you to be awake now. What if it get worse? To think you could risk your life because of me...doesn’t give me peace."

That’s not it. Please don’t think that. Oikawa, it’s not your fault.

"If it’s really as they said, you won’t make it because the bullet hit near the heart... I could never forgive myself. I can’t live like this, Iwa-chan. I hope to see you again, somewhere up there."

Oikawa? What are you saying? You’re not really saying it, right? Oikawa! Don’t bullshit. Please!

I couldn’t let him do anything stupid. I had to be there for him. I tried hard to get back. My heart started pounding and I struggled trying to fix it.  
Soon after I heard the nurses rushing in. "Quick! We need the defibrillator!" they exclaimed. "Sir, you must come out"

The last words I heard before I blacked out were "Sorry, Iwa-chan."

-

I opened wide my eyes. OIKAWA. I found myself in my bedroom, with the white ceiling and the light coming in through the windows. It was just a bad dream... I sat down, my head was hurting, and I still felt that pain in my chest. 

It was not a dream. I was on the hospital bed where the smell of broth persisted. So Oikawa... I hurried out of bed, my only thought was my friend.  
I managed to hold on to the IV pole and made my way to the door with it.

"Huh?! Mr Iwaizumi woke up!" "He can’t get up! He needs to stay in bed." A few minutes had passed, probably, that’s what I was hoping for. I didn’t listen to the nurses and ran to find Oikawa all over the hospital. I knew exactly where to find him.

With my heart in my throat, I went up the stairs to the roof of the building. There were doctors following me, but I didn’t care. One second late, and I could have lost my best friend. Wait for me, Oikawa.

Once I got to the top, I opened the door wide. I couldn’t have been wrong. My breath stopped, when I saw him standing on the ledge. We were separated a few meters, but one wrong step, it could have ruined everything. " O-Oikawa..." I tried to hold back the tears, although seeing him there broke my heart. "Oikawa, don’t do it. Please. I’m here, okay?" He turned as soon as he heard my voice.

His eyes hit me right in the heart "Iwaizumi?" I saw that smile once again. He was happy to see me, and I was happy to see him. "Are you alive?" I nodded. The thought of him ending his life made me sick. "I’m alive."

“Iwa-chan...”  
“Oikawa...”  
He moved only one foot, intent on coming to me. He lost his balance. Life flashed before my eyes, my heart stopped beating. “OIKAWA NO!”


	3. Undo My Pain

“Hold on!”

I told you I wouldn’t let anyone take you away from me.

He hold my hand as much as he could. His eyes were full of tears, but I knew he wouldn’t really want to do it. And I would help him stay alive. 

"Your arm won’t hold! Iwa-chan, let me go."   
"What? I’ll never leave you! I can do it." I knew it wasn’t true. My strength was limited and I was using it all to help Oikawa. But with one arm, I wouldn’t have been able to pick him up.

"Don’t try again. Please. Let me go..." even his energies were giving way. Was it really gonna end like this?

"Never." I found myself having to rip out the drip with my teeth, and also use my arm not working. I tried hard to save Oikawa. I would never leave him, even at his request.

I used the last of my strength to get him back to the roof and I held him in my arms. "Please don’t ever do that again. Or my heart won’t hold!" I exclaimed, as I felt my breath slowing. I was calm, he was finally safe.

I looked him straight in the eye and, thinking I could lose him, I burst into tears.

"Iwa-chan crying for me? A miracle." Even in those situations, did he find time to joke? "Fucking bitch." I punched him right in the face. Maybe that way he could see how scared I was.

"I’m sorry." he said staring at the floor, "I really hate you, Shittykawa." I got up. I spent too much effort being a hospital patient. "Shittykawa?! I didn’t believe after all these years, you remembered that nickname." Suddenly I felt his arm around my waist "Let me help you a little."  
“I can handle it."

I walked away from him and I went to the entrance.   
I knew Oikawa felt guilty, but I couldn’t ignore the fear of him almost falling. "You haven’t really changed, Iwa-chan. Always mean to me."  
"Hurry up and get in, it’s gonna start raining soon."

No matter how hard I tried, nothing has changed since then. No matter how much affection I felt for him, I couldn’t prove it.

-

A week later

Finally I could get out of the hospital and go back to my normal life. Or maybe that would never happen. What was happening to me? My life seemed to have changed since the day of the match. Like if something woke up.

"Yahoo!" As soon as I set foot outside the hospital doors, I came up with the slender figure of Oikawa. Why does my heart go like this? I wasn’t very surprised to see him. I sighed, at least he was still alive. As I was.

"Always up early in the morning, huh?" I joked when I met him, "For you always, Iwa-chan." We walked next to each other to his car. "Do you still have that room you don’t use in your apartment?" He asked me, while we were riding "Yes. Why?" "Because I’m coming to stay with you."  
"I don’t think so."   
"Iwa-chan! I’m not leaving you alone like this. You need someone by your side. And so do I." His eyes were telling the truth. "It’s a miracle you’re alive." I saw him sighing, then he didn’t say a word.

"These days I’ll bring two things just for the needed time." He spoke again on the stairs of the building where I lived. He helped me, and I got carried away.   
After I woke up, breathing became harder than the usual. Sometimes I was out of breath, but the doctors said everything was fine.

"Do as you will." I answered him, leaning on the door to rest a second "Oi, Iwa-chan...are you sure you’re okay?" Hm? Yes." We entered into my apartment and Oikawa left his things in the empty room next to mine.

"Are you hungry? I didn’t have breakfast." I was going to sit on the couch, but he showed up and distracted me. I still didn’t think it was true, that I’d reconnected with my childhood best friend. "I wanted to wait for you to eat." he continued, reaching out to me. " I can get up on my own, thank you."

That wasn’t true. But I didn’t want to get too used to his support. "Do it slowly." Listen to me, never. Despite my rejection, he decided to be my backup.   
He was always my right-hand man, after all.   
"All right?" I looked up, I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to accept my feelings.  
But his eyes communicated too much, which filled me with thoughts. Nothing had changed since then.

"Yes. Thank you." he made breakfast. Oikawa was really good at cooking and especially to remember my favorite dish. "I can’t go through the day in style if I don’t eat it for breakfast." he imitated me. We were less than ten years old when I said it, but he remembered it as if it were yesterday.

That night it started raining again. The cold wind of mid-November also came in through the closed windows. I fixed the couch, then turned off the lights.  
Before I slipped under the blankets, I checked Oikawa in the other room.   
As I imagined, he slept blissfully on the bed. His left hand resting on his cheek, it was his habit. He liked to feel his face warm, he said.

I took a blanket and put it on him, trying not to wake him up. He was tired too. Besides work, our whole situation was tiring. "Good night, Tooru." I whispered, gently resting my hand on his.

That was the only time I could show him my feelings. Otherwise, I would have ruined everything.


	4. Please, come back home

The next morning I stayed home all the time. I was alone, because I couldn’t go out in my condition and Tooru had to work.  
But it wasn’t difficult to find a commitment. The culprit was still on the loose and, for every second, I was afraid for Oikawa’s life.

 _I have to find him and take him out myself_. Two years working as a cop wouldn’t have been pointless. I wanted to protect Oikawa, even though it would have cost me my life. He was my best friend, and the eight years without seeing him no longer mattered. He had accompanied me for a lifetime, I couldn’t just let him go.

"YAHOO!" When Oikawa came home, he managed to get bad thoughts out of my head. "You’re here!" I mentioned a smile, but he couldn’t see it and immediately locked himself in his room. What’s with him?

He left shortly after, while I wondered why he had behaved so. "Iwa-chan~" I turned around. His face was colored and surrounded by a smile. "I saw this make up on internet and I couldn’t wait to try it to show you!" Just seeing him excited about little things made me happy. "You look good in it."  
“Aw~ Thank you.” Every moment I spent with him, I realized how much his life was worth, and how much my heart belonged to him.

But it couldn’t have worked between us.

"Iwa-chan, after lunch I really have to go to training. Is that a problem for you? Do you want me to stay here?"  
"Don’t worry, go ahead." If I didn’t let him, he’d be really worried.

But it was my turn, I guess I was getting paranoid.

It was eight o'clock at night, and Oikawa had not arrived yed. _He will be just training more than he should, as usual._ I was trying to be chill, but nothing could take away the thought that the culprit wanted to kill my best friend.

The phone was ringing, no answer. It was ringing in my ear as I started to get worried. "Please...please come home." I was hoping to hear his voice, but it wasn’t so. I threw the phone still ringing to the ground, fearing the worst. My breathing became so labored that it caused a severe chest pain.

"Good evening Iwa-" As soon as I saw him enter through the door, I rushed towards him and squeezed him in my arms. "Don’t you ever fucking do that again, I thought you might die!" Oikawa didn’t say a word. But I felt his arms revolving around my back. I sighed, feeling better.

"Sorry for making you worry." he said, moving from my arms "Answer the phone next time, okay?" He nodded. "Shall we have dinner? I’m a bit peckish." We went into the kitchen, I leaned on the counter, and he got to the stove. "So...how did the training go?" I asked him, trying to show me as little worried as possible "Well, I’m just really tired. I hope you didn’t get too bored, alone at home." I shook my head. "Iwa-chan... Don’t worry too much about me. I’m sure they’ll find that person."

I didn’t agree, but I didn’t want to put any more pressure on him. On the other hand, he was the target, he was suffering constant fear in first person.

-

It was 3:24 in the morning. I got an anonymous call that made me wake up out of the blue. "Hello?"

“Iwaizumi Hajime” 

I shut up immediately. The voice on the phone was changed and I began to suspect. "Who’s talking?" 

"You shouldn’t have gotten in the way." That’s exactly who I thought it was. "I will not stop until I see Tooru Oikawa underground, know it. Reaching him is simple, I know everything about him. I’ll make sure I ruin his life as much as I can."

”Don’t you da-“

"If you interfere again, I will kill both of you." Then they attacked.

I panicked, my chest pain returned and I was struggling to breathe. I was so blinded to take that asshole out, I didn’t care about my health. 

I suddenly got up with one hand over my heart and with heavy steps I approached the exit.

Then I dressed up to meet the culprit, even though I didn’t even know where he was.

But my legs didn’t hold and I let myself fall to the ground. "O-Oikawa-" my breath got weaker and weaker and my head was spinning.

It was fortunate that Tooru heard my fell. "Iwa-chan... IWA-CHAN?!" He ran towards me “You’re shaking...”

”I-I can’t breathe.”


	5. Living a Lie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey everyone! what do you think about the first chapters? i hope y’all like them!

I didn’t miss that hospital smell. I’d rather never go back there. It was distressing and boring.

I woke up in the morning, immediately feeling the cannulas inside my nose. It was not pleasant and I wanted to complain, but I was distracted by the figure of Oikawa, staring at me with a murderous look.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" "Do you think I enjoy seeing you sick?" he seemed angry, in fact, he was. "Stop it, Shittykawa. I’m not the one you need to worry about." I was already getting tired of that situation. I couldn’t spend time lying on the hospital bed.

I was about to get up, even though my head was burning and I felt weak. But it was not important. "Damn it, Hajime, will you hold still?" I froze right up, Oikawa being ahead. I remained motionless, surprised by his reaction. He had never called me by my first name.

"Do you understand that you are not in a position to move too much? You risked a lot, so stop pretending to be a fucking alpha man and stay on that bed." I saw tears slowly go down his face "Do you think you should be the only one to worry? You’re the one in the hospital! You have your life hanging by a thread! And should I be quiet?! Shouldn’t I feel bad knowing that I could lose you at any moment?"

His words struck me so deeply, I felt it my duty to lie down on the bed. I was so focused on his happiness, I ignored his true feelings. "I don’t want you to feel bad for me." I murmured, looking at my feet. "I’m sorry, but I can’t. I would, but it doesn’t work like that."

Maybe he was right. Maybe I was overreacting. "Sorry." Oikawa left the room, but came back shortly after with a wheelchair. "Get in. This time I’ll be the one to help you, okay?" I couldn’t resist much, so I followed him and got help to sit down.

We left the building, I couldn’t take it anymore. But unfortunately, I was forced to stay there. "Where are we going?" "Don’t ask." We stopped on a bench in the courtyard, neither of us knew what to say. Maybe I should tell him? It’s not just my problem, especially he’s involved.

I didn’t want to worry him any more, but he should know. "This morning...the culprit called me." Oikawa squinted and put himself composed “How? How did they get your number?" "He’s gonna be a hacker. If he managed to break into the game without sounding suspicious, it wouldn’t have been hard for him to find my phone number." "Iwa-chan..." Oikawa looked down, I felt his guilt piercing my chest like blades.

"I’m going to go back to the station, and take on the case." I said, looking right at him. It was the truth, and I wanted him to know. "Are you crazy?! Not like this! You’re in a wheelchair, you can’t get involved in a dangerous matter!" "The wheelchair doesn’t take away my ability to live! And it doesn’t take away my anger at that bastard!" I knew he wouldn’t understand me, but it was fine. I was aware of the risk that I would run, But that’s what all cops used to do.

"Iwa-chan. Let someone else do it. I don’t wanna lose you, not again." after that statement, he squeezed my hand. I was grateful to have someone like Oikawa around, so I wanted to fight for his good.

"Shittykawa...it’s gonna end. And it will end well." I caressed his head, trying to comfort him "We’ll get out together. All right?" I was sure about it, I didn’t want to think it wouldn’t be like this.


	6. Feelings are fatal

That day, Oikawa stayed with me until the next morning. The room was quiet. He was sleeping next to me in the chair. But I was too full of thoughts to fall asleep.

The silence lasted little though. The lights were off and the door opened. I thought he was one of the doctors, but when I squinted in the dark, I realized it was really about him. How did he get in?  
He didn’t see me awake, but I knew his target was Oikawa. 

Hajime, you have to move. My heart was beating fast, but how could I protect my best friend without doing anything?

I jumped out of bed, ripped the pipes out of my nose. Before he could get close to Oikawa, I punched him and kicked him out of the room.  
I could feel my breath getting shorter and shorter, but I had to hold out to take out that asshole.

"HAJIME-"  
"HEY YOU TWO!" Oikawa woke up at the same time as a guard came up. A second I stopped throwing punches, the culprit pushed me away and tried to escape from the guard. 

No...my work is not finished here. I tried to get up, intent on following the bastard “TA-KE HIM!” I exclaimed, before falling to the ground breathless.

"IWA-CHAN!" I heard Oikawa squatting next to me, in a broken voice asking if I was okay. "A DOCTOR! PLEASE A DOCTOR COME HERE!" How could they hear him?

I felt already at the end. The pain in the chest was tremendous and the breath decreased more and more. I couldn’t think straight. "Iwa-chan, hold on a little longer. I’m going to get a doctor."

Maybe it was too late. I felt no more energy and I abandoned myself to Oikawa’s arms.  
"Iwa...chan?" I barely got his words.

Then I felt his lips on mine. He gave me the oxygen I needed, that was his intent.   
Thanks to him, I was able to get back.

Maybe it wasn’t as special for him as it was for me, maybe he never gave it any weight. But I did. And that convinced me even more than between us, more than friendship, there could be nothing.


	7. Let Me Go

Maybe I should have given up.

Oikawa was my best friend, yes. But no more than that. I had to convince myself that he was.  
I just had to love him. But no more. I had to convince myself...

I wasn’t hungry that morning, even though my stomach was empty. I kept telling myself if I kept fighting, I’d lose. My life also mattered, as Oikawa told me.

Did I really have to drop the case? And risk another attack like that night, without being able to do anything...

But the thing that hurt me the most...

"Iwa-chan..." that morning Oikawa came back to see me in the hospital before lunch. " We need to talk."  
No one ever liked those two words.

My heart was already in my throat, fearing some bad news. And that was it.

I was surprised, however, when he made a small space on the bed and lay down next to me. I looked into his brown eyes, remembering what happened that night.

Something told me that maybe I had hope.

Oikawa smiled and put a hand on my cheek. "I’m sorry Iwa-chan." I looked at him confused, as his eyes began to shine and his face became wet with tears "I don’t want you to get involved in this again. You need to pull yourself together, okay? I...I have to go. I’m gonna go back to my place, live my life the way I’ve lived it up to now, and let the police handle the case."

After his words, he got out of bed with his back to me. "What?! Live your life the way you have lived it so far?!"   
"Yes. I don’t want you to get involved again, I have to get away. Ever since we met, I’ve only brought pain and suffering into your life."

I wish he knew it wasn’t like that.

"Oikawa...I- I wanted to protect you.”  
"You have to think about yourself."  
"But I’m happy! I’m happy if you’re okay!"  
"That’s why we don’t have to see each other anymore. It hurts me to see you suffer like this." he turned to me "Iwa-chan, please. Let me go."

Letting him go...was the right thing for both of us.


	8. Do You Remember Me?

Would it be a goodbye? Or a farewell?

Days after

"I just want coffee, but my legs won’t hold anymore if I’m still on this bed for a minute." I told the nurse that came to see me. She then helped me get out of bed and took the wheelchair. I finally left that room after four days.

I was at the table alone, I needed some time with myself despite being alone for days. "Mr Iwaizumi?" I heard a male voice approaching. I turned around, hopeful, but there was no sign of him.

However, a nurse arrived, who left a plant in my hands, "Someone sent him flowers. They wrote a note, probably says who they are." I thanked him and he left. 

"Recover soon, Iwa-chan." It wasn’t signed, but I knew exactly whose it was. Maybe he didn’t completely let me go... and yet he knew I didn’t like cyclamen.  
I smiled and took my phone.

"Thank you for the flowers"  
I was hoping for an answer.

After drinking coffee, I went to my room again.

A few minutes passed, I was in bed and I got a notification. It was Oikawa, but his answer left me puzzled. "I didn’t bring them to you" maybe he was wrong?  
And yet he was the only one who called me Iwa-chan.

At that very moment, a nurse came in. "Mr. Iwaizumi, a letter arrived." She gave it to me and as soon as she left the room, I opened it.

"Did you like the flowers, Iwa-chan? Were you so disappointed to discover that they weren’t from your dear Tooru?" That’s how it started. Manipulating people seemed to suit him.  
"Let’s make a deal. Let’s meet at this address [...], next Monday at 8.00 in the evening. If you show up, we’ll make a deal and no one gets hurt. Otherwise, I will kill your friend in front of your eyes. Oh and besides, don’t call anyone. Come alone. If I see a police car, you’re out."


	9. I Miss my Lover Man

Wednesday 

The oxygen bottle was uncomfortable to carry around, but I needed it. I couldn’t help it.

My house hasn’t been my home since Oikawa left it. I didn’t want to realize that I had to spend my days traveling from home to the hospital, and from the hospital at home, without his support.

It wasn’t right that I needed him more than he needed me.

I missed him, but what could I do? "I miss you, please come home"? Well I probably should have...

-

At dinner time, I slowly made my way to the kitchen. I felt like an old man, and I hated carrying around oxygen. 

I was at the stove, when I heard the door of my apartment open. Did he find out where I live? He had said Monday, why did he come earlier?  
I turned around, my jaw fell off.

“Oikawa...”

I saw him standing at the kitchen door. I squinted, hoping it wasn’t just a dream. "I missed you." he said, hinting at a smile. It saved my breath. "Son of a bitch."

I went to meet him and hugged him. I could confirm that it was not a dream. He really came back.  
"Iwa-chan...you’re too harsh on me." he muttered, trying to bring some fun into that bad time.

"Oikawa. Don’t go away, please." I felt his sigh on my neck, something told me it wasn’t going smoothly. "I’m hurting you, Iwa-chan. But you need help."

And so, he helped me to cook. We sat down at the table, one forward to the other. "Enjoy your meal." he said, starting to eat. While he was distracted, I looked at him. I couldn’t figure out what was going on in his head. But he seemed quiet, and that was enough.

After dinner I laid down on the couch. I was tired. Tired and worried. That letter said everything and nothing. But I definitely wouldn’t have told Oikawa, because he would never let me go.

"Iwa-chan." He came up to me after being in his room for a while. Without saying anything else, he sat on the couch. He seemed thoughtful. "Oikawa?" He still remained silent, but then he came up and laid between my legs, leaning his head on my belly.

I didn’t really know how to react to that gesture, but it only made me smile. I didn’t even feel the pain in my chest, it was nothing compared to how Oikawa made me feel.


	10. Home

Thursday 

Outside it was raining, the sky was covered by clouds and the wind was cold. I stood in front of the window, watching how that weather brought as much peace as gloom. 

"Iwa-chan!" Oikawa began to observe with me the landscape "I have to go to training, and since I don’t want to leave you here alone in this bad weather, do you want to come with me?" He looked at me with a big smile I couldn’t refuse.

"Oi! You’re too violent!" And so I found myself changing with the help of Oikawa. "Huh?! What’s the problem?" he asked me, trying to lift my shirt without moving the cannulas "The problem is I’d like to hit you in the face right now."  
"Always the nicest... Come on, put your arm in here."

As soon as I was able to take off my shirt, I saw a little smile on Oikawa’s face "What’s that expression." I asked him seriously.  
He left, however, and returned shortly afterwards with new clothes.

"Round two?" he exclaimed waving my pants "NO! For those I can do it alone..." I turned my back to him, I didn’t want to show him how my face suddenly turned red.  
After those, he helped me to put on my hoodie.

"Damn Iwa-chan. I don’t remember you that way." commented Oikawa watching me "Huh?! So how?"  
"That...fit. The turtle grew ten years huh." U-Uhm... Oikawa?!"

We managed to get to the gym in time. Some of the mates were already there. They looked at me from head to foot, as if I were a ghost. "Guys, I brought Iwa-chan today!" A dark-haired boy approached me and bowed down "It’s good to see you again, Hajime-san." See me again? "Mad dog-kun, remember?" Oikawa said, "Oh, Kyotani-kun!" I was glad to see people linked to my past. 

The guys started playing. I kind of missed school and volleyball games.

Watching them, I remembered a lot of good times. Oikawa and I formed a nice couple, of teammates though. I missed his sets and how we collaborated with the whole team.

In the evening they left a little earlier than usual. Who had to take care of the part-time work and who of the family.

"Say you miss this life at least a little." Oikawa smiled, while he was fixing the balls "Very much. I miss it very much." i answered, approaching the camp. Getting back under the net was a good feeling.  
From that perspective everything was different, it really felt like we were back to the best years of my life.

When me and Oikawa were happy.

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. I started to think and imagine the games of high school, to my powerful spikes and Oikawa’s sets. Our motto, Rule the court.

And the team play. It was all so beautiful and our only concern was the fear of losing.

Ironic, It’s a little left that way.

Then I felt arms wrapped around me, "I’m glad you’re here." he whispered in my ear. Without even opening my eyes, I returned the hug, holding him even more to me.

"I saw you smile, and I couldn’t resist." he continued, "I’d like to see more often such an expression on you."  
He then moved away a little, without moving his arms from my back. He looked at me with a half-smile and sighed. "He suits you."


	11. Someone Like You

Friday

It was time for dinner. I was sitting at the table waiting for Oikawa to finish cooking. 

"How are you, Iwa-chan?" he asked out of the blue. I was surprised by his question, as he did not usually ask it. 

"I carry around an oxygen canister, I have a hole in my chest, and my best friend is wanted by a murderer. How do you think I am?" he turned to me, looking at me with his corrugated forehead. I had been too direct perhaps.

"But all in all, I’m fine, since you’re still alive." He smiled, it was beautiful. "We’ll get out together, won’t we?" Oikawa approached me, holding the plate "I promise you." I answered. I said it with all my heart, as I was intent on accomplishing it.

"Well...now eat okay? Bon appetite!" he stroked my hair, and then left the plate under my nose.  
Oikawa was always nice to me. He took care of my health and helped me in any situation. But to think about it, I had never returned the question. He had attempted suicide, and yet I only thought of his happiness and that he should be happy.

But feelings can’t be changed that easily. I should know.

"What about you, Oikawa?" He sat in front of me with his plate and began to eat. "Me what?" It was obvious that he had ignored the question. "How are you? Maybe I should have asked you...since that day on the roof."

I saw him stop chewing. His eyes got lost in the void and his eyes became clear.

"Well." that’s all he said.

"Do I have to believe you?"  
"Do as you please"  
He suddenly got cold, obviously something was wrong.

"Oikawa..." I took his hand. I didn’t usually make sentimental speeches and say sweet things, but he needed them. "You are always with me, and now I want to do it too. You know I’m here. And if you don’t know... I am willing to listen to everything you have to say. But please ask for help if you need it!"

Seeing that he did not react, I got up and knelt before him. "Oikawa..." I murmured. I was becoming increasingly concerned about him and his state of mind.

He immediately burst into tears. He squeezed his pants in fists and bit his lip. He wanted to hold back, but it was stronger than he was. I could see that.

I turned my face to him and put my thumbs on his wet cheeks. "I want to listen to you."

I wasn’t sure, but my caresses seemed to calm him down. It wasn’t so much, I hoped he was appreciating.

"Sometimes, the problems we have as teenagers go away in adulthood. Others don’t, indeed they get worse."  
"And is that your case?"  
"I was really being childish, I thought I was superior to everyone...even though I knew I was nobody. And as I grew up I realized it. Sometimes I feel really useless. Is that it, Iwa-chan?"

It hurt my heart to see him like that. How could he think of such a thing? "No, it isn’t. It’s normal to feel useless, sometimes. Not everything is always good for us, and we are not always available to others."

In that moment, he grabbed my hand that I had leaned on his cheek. I felt closer and closer to him. 

"Sometimes it’s okay to worry about ourselves too." I understood it thanks to him, and yet he didn’t seem to consider it. No matter how much he tried to help me, he didn’t associate his own advice with him.  
"But every life on this earth has value. And I believe in the value of yours. I mean it, Oikawa. You’re as worth as I am."

"So why do you...hurt yourself every time?" I had to think about that question a bit. He was right, why?  
It wasn’t that hard to understand why I put Oikawa’s life ahead of mine, I just...I didn’t want to accept it.

"Because my happiness depends on yours."


	12. Stuck With You

Saturday 

Both Oikawa and I were at home for a day of complete relaxation.

While I was on the couch watching TV, he was locked in the room. "I have a job to do" he told me before he locked himself in there.

I could hear him singing though, who knows what job he was doing.  
It was nice to listen to him, he seemed so carefree and amused, that he passed those emotions to me too.

I wondered if I would ever be able to confess my feelings to him. I wasn’t sure either. If he had returned the feeling, it would have been the same. I was too carried away by the thought of others. I was scared, I have to admit it.

A few hours passed. I was still on the couch.  
I couldn’t wait to get well so I could get a new job or go back to the police station.

"I'm stuck with you, stuck with you, stuck with youu~" I heard Oikawa leave his room, humming and dancing to the kitchen.  
I got up a little, leaning on my elbow.

He was even more beautiful when he was happy. In his world, quiet and with a bright smile on his face.

I sighed.

“Oi Iwa-chan." he suddenly came out of the door, so I looked away and pretended to be interested in television.  
"Doesn’t it hurt your ass to lie on the couch all day?"  
“Huh? What else am I supposed to do? I can’t go running with this thing in my nose and the rain." When I answered, he smiled and went back to the kitchen.

"Are you happy, Oikawa?" I exclaimed "Me?! Yes!" the way he said it surprised me. It really seemed like it.  
I got up and I dragged myself to the kitchen door.

"Really?" He turned to me and sighed  
"Really."  
"May I ask why?"  
"Hm...Because I’m with you, Iwa-chan."

Because I’m with you, Iwa-chan?

That statement made me happy too.

"Can't fight this no more, It's just you and me~" He kept singing, and I listened to him.

I wish I could have done this forever.

"Oi Iwa-chan! It’s Christmas soon, isn’t it?"  
“Hm." I nodded "Will we spend it together?"  
"Hm..."  
"I can’t wait!" Oikawa came up and looked me straight in the eyes. "I can’t wait to decorate the tree like we used to when we were kids!” After his statement, he passed me and came out of the kitchen "Can I put some music on?"

He put it on anyway, even though I hadn’t answered.  
He started humming it, so I went back to the living room.

"And there's nothin' I, nothin' I'd rather do~"

Oikawa approached and took me by the hand. Without bumping into the oxygen can, he attached me to him.  
We started dancing slowly on that song, tying our eyes together.

I was surprised, but I liked it.

He then laid his forehead on mine and closed his eyes.  
I was confused, what did he want to tell me all that?  
I didn’t ask myself too many questions though. Oikawa was so nice when quiet. That was enough to make me feel at home.

I didn’t think too much about it, I abandoned myself at that moment and closed my eyes too. My arms tied to his waist, our noses almost touched. I could smell his perfume melting on me, too.

There was peace we needed.

"On Monday we have a game..." he whispered after a while, without leaving me.   
Although I was a little worried about that news, I decided not to ruin the moment and keep moving with him.

"I wish you could come and see us."  
"I’ll be there, Oikawa."  
"It starts at 6:30 at evening, but since there are also other teams, we could start later."

Monday night...I was supposed to meet the criminal, but I couldn’t say no to Oikawa. I should have prepared a plan as long as everything went smoothly.

"If you want to come a little later, go ahead. Come slowly, okay?"   
“Hmhm. I’ll make sure I’m there."  
"Good...I’ll make sure I win this time. For us."


	13. Safe Place

Sunday

There was only one day left.

I was scared, honestly. I didn’t know what to expect from his "request". 

I didn’t leave my room for a second, except to eat. I was too thoughtful and I did not want to affect Oikawa.

But he got close to me.  
I probably never thought something like this would happen, and I wish it wasn’t so short.

He came into my room without knocking or asking permission, but that wasn’t the point.  
He got on the bed and lay down next to me. I didn’t understand much, but I was pleased.

We looked at each other without a talking, he probably had his mind full of thoughts too.

"Iwa-chan, do you want to see something?" He sat down, waiting for my answer. Thinking a bit about his question, I decided to sit in front of him. A little later he pulled out of his pocket a personalized bracelet.

"I did it yesterday, I thought I’d give it to you at Christmas but...I was too excited to wait." he smiled. I picked up the bracelet and looked at it. There were some blue beads and in the center "T♡H"

They were our initials.

"Look, I have one just like yours." he continued, showing what he had on his wrist. I didn’t know how to respond, but it was worth a lot to me.  
"I really appreciate it, Oikawa." Those were the only words I could think of.

I was a bit puzzled, I didn’t know how to react and I felt lost. Was it so hard for me to show feelings?

At that point, Oikawa took the blanket that was on the bed, and covered us both, forming a small hut. Maybe he understood, that I felt uncomfortable? I was so hoping that one day, to tell me that he did it to make me feel better. I wanted to hear him say it.

We were so close, our knees touched and we could only feel our breaths. I wanted that to last forever. 

"Iwa-chan?"  
"Oikawa?"  
His look became gloomy, the smile disappeared and I began to worry.

“Iwa-chan...I think I love you.”

Why couldn’t I answer? Why couldn’t I tell him how I felt? I was so scared...What could have happened the next day? "You don’t have to answer me. I’ll wait, and I’ll be ready when you are." His statement gave me some relief, but I was still confused about my feelings. I caressed his soft cheek and smiled softly. In high school I would never admit it, but Oikawa was my safe place. I knew I could count on him, and I was happy knowing he felt the same way. It was late at night, the room was dark and we barely saw each other under the blanket. "You have a nice smile." I murmured, touching his lips with my thumb. I could feel it perfectly. "How do you know I’m smiling?" I didn’t answer, I was just enjoying that moment. "Is there anything you want to add? Before I fall asleep here under the blanket." "Hm?" When asked, I thought a little. There were many things I wanted to say to him. Things I should have said to him. "Oikawa...I promise I’ll wait for you." If fate had been against us, that was the last moment we could enjoy together. Exactly as he said, my life was hanging by a thread. And I wasn’t sure, that I would be able to go home. But I promised him I’d wait for him somewhere in the afterlife. I would have waited for him if we could ever meet again in another life or in heaven. "Will you wait for me?" “Hm...if we split up. I’ll wait for another meeting."


	14. Beginning of The End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for the 100 hits!!

Monday

And so the week started again.

Oikawa was getting ready for the game. He wore his uniform and started to do some sets against the wall to warm up.  
"At five o'clock I’m leaving. We have to train at least an hour before the game."  
"Okay...Don’t worry." I followed him as he moved, and I leaned on the back of the couch to watch his sets.

"Iwa-chan? Is there something wrong?" he asked "Hm no...why?"  
“Because you look like my shadow. Sit down or you’ll get tired right away."

I didn’t want to make that impression, I was just nervous. My hands froze and I felt a sense of tightness in my chest. I was more upset than I thought.

When it was five o'clock, Oikawa packed the bag and went to the door.  
"Hey-" I approached him before he could come out "Before you go..." He looked at me with his fawn eyes and pinkish face. 

I was really hoping to see all of him again.

"Good luck." I held him tight in my arms, with my heart pounding and my throat dry.

If it were possible, I would have hugged him for an eternity.

"Iwa-chan, if anything should happen...don’t interfere again. Please." he whispered in my ear "Don’t worry about me. Just play." At least Oikawa was safe, With the criminal involved, he wouldn’t get in the way.

"I’ll see you there"

An hour passed and I took my car to go to the match. "Please don’t hurt him..." After the last game, my fear increased.

As soon as I walked into the gym, whoever witnessed that accident, started looking at me and talking quietly. Everybody got scared that time.

"Yahoo!" I saw Oikawa approaching with his team. I bowed down to greet everyone and then I looked at him. "See you tonight." I said. Maybe saying it was more believable... "I’ll see you cheering for us during the game?"  
“Hm. Of course..."

Would I really succeed? I wanted to support him, that was his moment.

I went to the stands to look for an empty seat, when I heard myself calling. "Iwaizumi-kun?" I turned around. A tall boy looked at me as if surprised, with his mouth open and eyebrows raised. It took me a while to realize "Tobio-chan?"

Kageyama Tobio, Karasuno’s setter. I haven’t seen him since the last practice match in high school.

I knew he’d continued his volleyball career, but I never thought I’d find him at the same game as Oikawa.

"I’m sorry...for what happened. I hope you’ll recover soon."  
"I hope so too..." No one had any idea about what was going to happen, it wasn’t their duty. The fewer people who knew, better was. "Well...good luck, Tobio-chan." The boy smiled at me and ran away to his team.

Time passed, everything went smoothly. It was only half an hour left. Maybe I had to leave, but without seeing Oikawa play?

They named the next teams soon after.

Five more minutes.

They started to play.

They were all absolved from the game, the girls shouting Oikawa’s name, the cheerleaders sang the anthem of his team and the game seemed to be going well.  
I looked around, inspecting the stands. There was no sign of suspicious people.

My heart was tightening, my nose was itching. The thought that might be the last time I saw Oikawa, froze my blood.

It was time to go. There were ten minutes left.

Without being noticed, I got out of the stands and walked to the exit.  
"Iwaizumi-san! Are you leaving already? Oikawa-san is still playing." I met Tobio in the hallway "Uhm...I have to meet someone for a moment. I-I’ll be back..."

Was I that sure?

I left right away with my car and turned on the GPS to go to that place.

-

It was eight o'clock. I arrived in less than ten minutes. The exterior was just a large shed, nearby there was no living soul.  
I didn’t want to get involved in that, but I was doing it for Oikawa. I didn’t know if I was gonna make it out alive or if anything would work out.

I didn’t know if that guy was a psychopath and all he wanted was to see my best friend dead.

I looked at myself in the mirror and sighed. "It must be all right. For Oikawa." I got out of the car and looked for the warehouse entrance.   
The interior was completely empty and dark. It smelled mildew and it was colder than it was out there.

But there was no sign of him.

My mind wandered as I looked around, looking for security. But in such a place, security didn’t exist.

“COME OUT ASSHOLE." I really tried. My character as a policeman wasn’t gone, but I was driving around with an oxygen canister. He was the one with the advantage.

"Oi oi oi, Iwa...chan." I turned around, he was a few feet away from me. His face was covered by the hood, I could only see him from the mouth down.  
"So, what do you want?"

Suddenly, he pointed a gun at me. "Ready to die... Iwa-chan?"


	15. Anoter Love ; part one

Last set. The opposing team was ahead, but he wouldn’t lose. He assured me.

They then gained a point. One was left to win.  
Oikawa saw the ball fly over his eyes. "Look at me, Iwa-chan." he whispered, before the ball came into his hands. He passed it to his partner, just like he used to do to me.

His set was so perfect, he gave the right position to the spiker to score.

Everyone exulted.

His mates ran in his arms, excited for the victory.

Oikawa, however, walked away and searched for me in the audience, I wanted to be there to be with him.

“Iwa-chan?”

He looked around, he didn’t see me anywhere. As I worried about him, he worried about me.

"Hey, Oikawa-san!" his teammates called him and woke him up from that panic state. "Uhm guys...I’ll be back."

He ran unnecessarily all over the field, he wouldn’t have found me.

He was so happy for his victory, but I wasn’t there like I promised.

"Oikawa-san! Are you looking for Iwaizumi-san?" he met Kageyama, who, seeing him panicking, approached him "Yes! Did you see him?"  
"He said he was meeting someone...He went out there."

He already understood, he knew me. And I knew him, I knew he wouldn’t be sitting on his hands.

I didn’t blame Tobio for telling him, but I wish he didn’t know.

"Come with me!" Oikawa dragged the youngest to his car. "But what happened?"  
“Hajime could be in danger. But how do I do...”

His face was bathed in tears. I would have paid, not to see him in that state.

"Danger?! Does he have a GPS?"  
"Yes! The GPS!"

I should have turned it off.

-

"We had to make a deal! And this wasn’t the deal!"  
"Hm...but this is more fun! If I kill you, Oikawa will feel so guilty to kill himself!"

He laughed.

"WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM OIKAWA?"

He came up to me and pointed his gun straight at me. That was no joke. But if I had only put it down, everything would have been good for others. Especially for Oikawa.

He had to live.

"Don’t you understand? I want to see him underground."  
"Why? Why are you so mad at him?!"

I was disagreeing with him, my eyes became clear.

"Because I never forgot the teasing in middle school."  
"What?!"

"I was bullied by him. And you, Iwaizumi Hajime, were even worse. You just stood there and said nothing!"

So he came to school with us...and yet I didn’t remember that motherfucker.

"Do you really think Oikawa hated his middle-school buddies?! And that was over ten years ago! He’s changed! He had a shitty attitude, but that doesn’t mean he was a bad person!"  
"That doesn’t change the fact that I suffered because of him!"  
“And that’s your excuse to kill someone? You’re a fucking freak!"

I realized that words wouldn’t go on, and that he, despite his trivial apology, was serious.

I took my oxygen tank and stuck it on his face, making him pass out on the ground.

With the blow, I broke the cannulas. “Fuck.” My breath was still steady, but shortly after the culprit got up and attacked me in his turn.

And so, the situation will escalate.


	16. Another Love ; part two

He had one hand on my chest, pressing on the wound causing me more and more pain. And with the other he filled me with punches.

I’d already lost.

I was trying to break free, it wasn’t the first time I fought a criminal, But when it happened, I had a cop’s crew and a working lung.

I felt the heavy look and the burning face, while he threw me one punch after another.

I knew that moment would come, I kind of expected it, but then I heard his voice.

“IWA-CHAAN.”

My face was stained with blood, but all I thought about was Oikawa.

In a moment of silence, he ran towards the culprit and knocked him to the ground, so as to free me.

Oikawa wasn’t the type to fight, he wouldn’t hurt a fly...but then why did he get in the way?

Why? Why him?

It wasn’t what I had in mind, it wasn’t supposed to be like that.

I barely got up to reach him. And at that very moment, I saw the bullet hit him in the stomach.

"HANDS UP"

The police arrived, they managed to catch him.

"No! No!" I threw myself to the ground, without strength. I leaned his head on my legs, while the tears twisted my face.  
"Don’t go, please! I need you!"

I felt his hand on my cheek. His cold fingers. "It’s okay." he murmured.

No...it wasn’t okay.

"No! I...I promised you that we would come out, together! Don’t go, please."

"It can’t end here...you still have to set for me, and...and we still have to decorate the Christmas tree...as we did as children...!”

I saw his smile one last time, his tired and shiny eyes. "Iwa-chan...we won. We won...the game. A-As promised."

I couldn’t accept it.

“Oikawa I...I love you.”

His heart stopped beating.

“Oikawa...?”

And with his, so did mine.


	17. Epilogue

One week later

Sometimes I find myself thinking I want to hear your voice again, but I forget you’re not here anymore.

Home is empty without you, I can’t feel it anymore. I wish you could come back, but you can’t.

And now I’m here, in the gym where we used to play together.

Even our old classmates are crying for you. I never thought I’d see some people at a funeral.

Now that you’re gone, what will I do? Who will give me more handmade bracelets with our engraved initials?

I will have to live with the doubt that you don’t know about my true feelings. Because I said too late that I love you.

Screw me.

I’ve said so many pointless words to you, I’m sorry.

I promised I’d wait for you. 'Cause it had to be me.

So will you, Oikawa-san, wait for me?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading my story! I put a lot of effort and tears into it.  
> I hope one day Iwaizumi will be able to tell Oikawa that he loves him :((


End file.
